The case of the Double "D's"

I swore I wouldn't do it. I hated that other women did it; I thought it was so bitchy. But I broke down, I changed my online profile to include a list of do's and don'ts for men to follow before contacting me. The number one reason why I felt I had to do this - men asking for nekkid pictures of me during our first chat. I'll give away my age a bit here. I do recall dating before cell phones. For giggles I reminisce about a guy calling my home phone to set up a date.

My Thursday night encounter was very sure of himself, pushy and ready to have me drive myself over to his digs within 15 minutes of being on the phone. As it was approaching dinner time, I told Robert I was planning on having some wine to unwind and fix myself something to eat. He encouraged me to do just that and get good and relaxed, as this particular earth dweller was insistent upon me texting photos of my naughty bits.

Some women may find a desperate, obnoxious caveman asking for sex pics right out the gate hot, I don't. A few hours later I heard from Robert. If only I could post our conversation word for word. You might not believe me if I did but the conversation basically went down like this. Robert wanted a picture of my neither regions. I told him that the wine hadn't set well with me and that I had experienced an unpleasant act in the bathroom and that taking a picture at this current time was less than favorable. Didn't bother ole Robby boy one bit. Still wanted a picture of me in all my unclean glory.

Diarrhea and the desperation of a hard up online male is a terrible combination. My little story of the case of the double "D's."

The pictures they post

We've all seen the asinine mirror shots in the bathroom, the pictures of the guys draped in sleazy chicks (nothing wrong with sleazy chicks now) but I'm talking about the pictures that give you ZERO indication of what the guy really looks like. I can spot a granulated photo from the 90's that has been converted to digital. What bears true scrutiny are the pictures where you literally could not pick the guy from a lineup if you absolutely, positively had to. These are their stories.

Seriously? Leave aside the horrid quality of the picture. What is the dude trying to tell me? He likes to hang off charter boats in the lower belly of the Philippines?

Dr. House has it right.

A Line A Dozen

The oldest and most simple hook men use - the pickup line. Back in the days of bar pickups, it was innocent enough and required a certain amount of "johnny on the spot" wit to lure a female to his den. Now with the advance of online dating, it is just too easy to copy and paste the same cute line. They control C and control V on different dating sites, in their intro lines and in text messages. I've had guys call me the wrong name. Nothing says I'm really interested in you baby like calling you by somebody else's name.

My dearest homie likened it to carnival game. Online dating allows men to line up chicks and shoot them down with zero to non downtime to reload. And we are none the wiser.